When I was a kid, I once got in trouble for bossing around this other little girl who was on an after-school playdate with me and my best friend.

One day in late fall, a group of us were playing a very heated game of pretend on a freezing-cold beach right on the Atlantic Ocean.

We were left unsupervised (as many90s kids often found themselves)and were totally free to run wild outside.The beach was our private territory that day. It was a land of our own creation.

Ive always been ritualistic, so I made everyone run into the waves with their clothes on in order to be allowed to live in this sacred, sandy territory we had claimed as our own.

The little girl refused to get in the water, so I did what all alpha girlswould do: I gently pushed her in.

I mean, if she wanted to play with the wild kids of East Hampton, she had to keep up with the wild kids of East Hampton.

But this little girl was pissed at me because I didnt careher Oilily dress (an exorbitantly expensive French childrens clothing line that was all the rage in the 90s) got wet.

Naturally, her meek mother called my alpha mother to explain what had happened.

My mother was furious with me for being such a pushy little bitch, but I overheard her say on the phone, Zara is a total alphafemale.

I didnt know what alpha meant because I was onlysix years old, but I knew I liked the sound of it.

And in that moment, I understood my bossiness was irrepressible, and if I wasnt careful, that bossiness could turn into meanness when I was dealing with simple, less opinionated little girls.

Im an alpha, but Im not a mean alpha. I knew I needed to make a change.

I got myself under control after that. But when I began dating in my teens, I found that if I was dating a simple person, I would recklessly run all over them if they let me.

The trouble was, I sort of liked the simple people. I liked thecalming energy that could balance out my manic energy. I liked a person who wasnt plagued with anxiety, like alpha girlsoften are.

You see, alpha girlshave fires burning inside of usat all times, and we need someone to calm those flames, baby.

I realize there is a BALANCE here, kittens. You can totally date a lovely, simple person.

There are, however, certain things they need to understand when dating the wild, wonderful, fabulous, fierce, difficult, alpha girl:

1. An alpha girlhails from a long line of other alpha girls.

One of the hardest things about dating an alpha girlis wondering how the hell she became that way.

Look, some alpha girls, despite their circumstances, were just born incredibly powerful. But most (for better or for worse) come from a long line of alpha girls.

Most of the time, if youre confronted with an alpha girl, take a look at hermother, hergrandmother, hersister and heraunt and you will realize all of them are fierce bitches, too.

Just look at my fierce mom:

My mother is in total control of the household decor, has expertly curated every family vacation and has no problem telling anyone to fuck off at any given time.

Its not random that I turned out this way, mysimple sweetie. And its not random that the alpha girlyoure falling for is this way either.

Being a fierce bitch (I mean that in the best way) is usually so deeply ingrained in our genetics, its really not something you can attempt to suppress.

So when youre a lovely, darling, simple guy or girl, and youre dating this wild, outspoken creature, you have to remember its a genetic trait that cannot be stifled.


2. Dont be a submissive wimp in bed.

Nothing turns me off like a partner who is sexually submissive.

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When it comes to sex, an alpha girljust wants to be dominated.

When youre in control of every single aspect of your life, you just want your partner to take goddamn control in the bedroom, please and thank you.

Were not used to letting people tell us what to do, so its pretty sexy when we meet someone who has the wherewithal to do that.

It takes usout of our comfort zone, and when were out of our comfort zones, were turned on.

I understand it might not be in your nature to be on top. But youre going to turn off your hot alpha babe unless you step up to the plate in the sack.

Plus, sweet kittens, I believe in you! Simple people are often the most vivacious lovers.

I know youre tired of being deemed the simple one all the time (even if you sort of are), so show us your inner animal and let it ROAR when were sexing the night away.


3. Challenge her, push her buttons and question her opinions.

An alpha girlis not to be confused with a nasty, mean woman. Shes not a bully, shes just tenacious and usually gets what she wants.

Nothing irritates us more, however, than when ourwild opinions go unchallenged.

Contrary to popular belief, shes not going to bite your head off if you call her out on something. Shell actually probably be really turned on. Alpha girlsget off on the art of debate.

Lets get real, my darling simpleton: There is no way in hell you agree with everything that flies out of her mouth.

Sometimes us alphas talk just because we enjoy the sound of our voices cutting into the air. And sometimes we spew out our insane opinions just to see if youre actually listening to us.

Challenge us, baby. Press us for statistics, information and facts to back up our aggressive opinions.

Otherwise, youre just going to bore us, honey. And boredom leads to one thing: us being horrible bitches to you.


4. Dont let her get away with being bitchy.

Look, I like sugary-sweet entities. I like sweet, laid back babes when it comes to my dating life.

However, if youre too sweet and too forgiving and you dont challenge me on anything, I will resent you. I will walk all over you in my mega platforms (and those things are heavy as fuck).

Dont let me get away with it, Simple! If Im stepping on you, kindly put me in my damn place.

Otherwise, this will turn into an unhealthy relationship due to its unbalance.

If an alpha girlknows her simple lover is simply wonderful but not a pushover, well respect that. The feared woman craves someone who loves her enough to give her boundaries.


5. Let an alpha girlfeel her wealth of feelings.

We might seem super strong and we are but we are also the great feelers of the world.

You dont get to be so colorful and creative and have such crystal-clear vision ofwhat you want without being emotional.

There is no creativity without emotion. There is no rage without emotion. There are no epic, big dreams without emotion. And most of all, there is no passion without emotion.

So just becausethe alpha girl isnt afraid to speak her mind doesnt mean there isnt a huge hurricane of sensitivity swirling inside of her.

You can be tough and fragile at the same time.

Dont be thrown when she falls apart. Dont say reductive shit like, Oh, wow, I didnt think girls like you got so upset.

Dont be a wimp and freak out the moment the outspoken girl breaks down in tears. Dont be an idiot and say, Dont cry, youre stronger than that.

You cant be authentically strong without being super sensitive. And the term alpha is just a trope created to put strong women into boxes, anyway.

We might be the domineering personality type, but were still multifaceted people with feelings.


6. Dont force her to be an alpha all the time.

Sometimes I feel reallyvulnerable and exposed, and all the fighting for what I believe in has rendered me terrified and sad.On those days, I need you to take the reigns.

Even alpha girls have days where they feel too depressed to be the strong one, and in those moments, you need to step up to the plate, babe.

You dont have to be complex and fierce like the alpha girl, but you can take care of her, plan the dates when shes tired and challenge her when shes talking nonsense.

In fact, shes desperate to find someone in her love life whowill let her exhale for once. And if you cant be that person, dont go for the alpha girl.

An alpha girlismore than most girls, therefore, she needs more than most girls.

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