#HimToo Is The #AllLivesMatter Of Sexual Assault
OPINION 10/10/2018 02:31 pm ET #HimToo Is The #AllLivesMatter Of Sexual Assault Doyin Richards Columnist By now you’ve probably seen or heard of the mom who went viral this week after lamenting how her wonderful military son refuses to go on solo dates with women due to (wait for it) “the current climate of false sexual accusations by radical feminists with an axe to grind.”
She then dropped the mic (or maybe fumbled it) by ending her rant with #HimToo.
Wayback Machine First of all, don’t ever do this, moms. There isn’t a single grown-ass man on this planet who wants his mother to don a cape for him on social media listing all the reasons he’s afraid of dating. I guarantee it will have the opposite of your intended effect.
Thankfully, the son in question, Pieter Hanson, has a great sense of humor and is rolling with his mom’s ill-advised rant, and it seems like some people are enjoying a good laugh from it.
But let’s get real about this. #HimToo is the #AllLivesMatter movement of sexual assault. We roll our eyes at the hashtag and wonder how someone could fail so spectacularly at understanding such a basic concept. The narrative that the president and others in his administration are peddling these days ― men suddenly scared of angry women hell-bent on ruining their lives ― is laughable.
I already covered this in my latest advice column , but it can’t be said enough: False reports of sexual assault are minuscule in number compared to actual sexual assaults. To parents who find themselves shook over the idea of their sons being wrongfully accused: Your fears would be better directed toward them being sexually assaulted themselves. The odds are certainly greater.
And why are people suddenly finding the need to rush to men’s defense? No matter what side of the political fence you happen to find yourself on, it’s hardly debatable that men (white men, specifically) are running the show around here. They certainly aren’t the victims of radical feminists. Or angry liberals. Or the boogeyman. Or anyone else, for that matter.
Don’t believe me? There are two dudes here in the U.S. who, between the two of them, faced more than 20 combined sexual misconduct allegations just prior to securing their current jobs. One is the president of the United States, the other holds the most powerful vote on the nation’s highest court. So tell me again how sexual assault allegations ruin men’s lives?
The same way shouting “All Lives Matter!” discounts the fact that black people are more often victims of police violence, we ignore the fact that women are far and away more likely to be sexually assaulted than men when we say “Him Too!” ( Yes, I’m completely aware that boys and men are also sexually assaulted; however, that’s not what the hashtag is addressing in this case.)
These women are the ones who are affected the most by sexual assault allegations because THEY were the ones sexually assaulted. Since the beginning of time, women’s lives have been irreparably damaged not just by enduring such a despicable crime, but by feeling as if they’ve been assaulted all over again when they decide to make their allegations public.
It’s the underage girl who confides in her parents that a family member molested her, only to be mocked by them.
It’s the college student who was raped by the star quarterback, only to have the police protect him instead of her because they don’t want to ruin the athlete’s future.
It’s Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, who, after risking everything these past several weeks to come forward with allegations against Brett Kavanaugh, is still unable to go home due to the barrage of death threats against her and her family.
These women are the ones who are affected the most by sexual assault allegations because they were the ones sexually assaulted. Many Americans have speculated on social media these past several days that fewer sexual assault survivors will come forward with their stories now, given the way Dr. Ford was treated. Hell, can you blame them?
For me, the most disturbing part of this whole #HimToo thing is watching women ― and yes, that means mothers ― kick dirt on other women who are brave enough to come forward with sexual assault allegations. A female friend of mine once told me she confided in her mom the day after she was raped in high school.
Her mom’s response? “Please don’t say anything. I don’t want you to ruin that boy’s life.”
Needless to say, she is not on speaking terms with her mother today.
As a man, it shouldn’t even be possible for me to be more pissed off than certain women when it comes to how Dr. Ford, our daughters and all women in general are being treated. Yet here I am.
This #HimToo nonsense needs to stop before it’s given enough oxygen to fully ramp up. Believing women must become the default response to sexual assault allegations ― because as society has shown us, they have a hell of a lot to lose by lying about it.
Doyin is a father, husband and author dedicated to creating and celebrating a world of great fathers. Follow him on Twitter or Facebook at @daddydoinwork or ask him a question for a future “Ask A Dad” column at email@example.com.
Need help? Visit RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Online Hotline or the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website .
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‘Wheel of Fortune’ host Pat Sajak encourages fans to vote, mocks those who rely on celebrities to remind them
Political Published 8 hours ago Last Update 1 hour ago ‘Wheel of Fortune’ host Pat Sajak encourages fans to vote, mocks those who rely on celebrities to remind them By Tyler McCarthy | Fox News Facebook Twitter Flipboard Comments Print Email close Video ‘Wheel of Fortune’ host Pat Sajak tells certain fans not to vote Pat Sajak took to twitter to remind his fans to vote while at the same time slamming those who needed the reminder.
With the 2018 midterm elections rapidly approaching, celebrities, politicians and everyone in between are taking to social media to encourage people to vote, including Wheel of Fortune” host Pat Sajak. However, the game show legend accompanied his message with a bit of tongue-in-cheek humor.
Sajak took to Twitter on Thursday to remind his followers to vote while simultaneously slamming those who require a TV personality to do their civic duty. In a controversial claim, he went as far as to say certain people shouldn’t even bother voting.
“I would encourage you to vote next month, but if you need a TV game show host to remind you, then you probably shouldn’t,” he wrote.
While it’s not usually considered a good message to encourage people not to vote, within the context of Sajak’s often playful Twitter presence , it seems as though he’s simply making a joke.
In his way, Sajak is joining the slew of celebrities who have taken the November election as an opportunity to encourage fans to vote as well as express their own political beliefs.
The most noteworthy example is Taylor Swift, who posted a few days ago a note on Instagram in support of the Democratic candidate in her home state of Tennessee. As previously reported , Swift’s recommendation caused an uptick in voter registration since its release.
While Sajak might not have the same social media clout as Swift, his message is clear and simple.
Sisters, a teacher, newlyweds: A look at limo crash victims
SCHOHARIE, N.Y. (AP) — A professor of geology. A pair of newlyweds. A former Marine who served in Iraq. Four sisters celebrating the birthday of one of their own. They are among the 20 people who died in Saturday’s limousine crash in upstate New York. The group included four sisters, two brothers and several longtime friends. Also killed were the limo driver and two pedestrians. A look at the victims:
AMY AND AXEL STEENBURG
The limousine that crashed Saturday was headed to a brewery in Cooperstown, New York, to celebrate Amy Steenburg’s 30th birthday. Amy and Axel, 29, had been married in June and traveled extensively in recent months, according to their Facebook pages.
Amy, a nurse, was one of the four sisters killed the crash.
The couple lived in Amsterdam with their dog.
In her final Facebook post, Amy wrote that she loved her husband “more than words can say.”
“You are such an amazing man and entertain all my crazy ideas,” she wrote. “Even when I move a couch just to move it back to the original place.”
Steenburg, 34, of Johnstown, died along with his brother, Axel.
He worked for GlobalFoundries, a semiconductor and manufacturing company.
The New York Times reported that he was survived by a 10-year-old daughter and 14-year-old stepson.
“The entire GF community is extremely saddened by this incident and we are working closely with the families to provide comprehensive support,” Laura Kelly, the company’s vice president of global communications, said in a statement.
MATTHEW COONS AND SAVANNAH DEVONNE BURSESE
Coons, of Johnstown, was a weightlifting aficionado described by relatives as a gentleman with a dry wit.
“He had a huge heart, a golden heart,” said his aunt, Suzanne Douglass. “He made you laugh so hard until you cried.”
Coons, 27, lived with Devonne Bursese, his 24-year-old girlfriend, and a sister who has two daughters, his nieces.
“He will be sorely missed by his sister and her children,” Douglass said. “He made their life very joyful with his very sweet disposition. He also financially supported the household and was also a father figure to his much younger brother.”
AMANDA HALSE AND PATRICK CUSHING
Halse, 26, a waitress in Watervliet, was in the limousine with Cushing, her boyfriend, who worked in the technology office of New York’s Senate.
Senate Leader John Flanagan described Cushing Monday as an “extraordinary” employee and “wonderful young man.”
Known as “Cush,” Cushing, 31, also played for Team USA Dodgeball. “Cushing’s unconditional kindness and ability to make friends of his fiercest competitors made him the consummate sportsman all dodgeballers strive to be,” his team wrote in a Facebook post.
Halse’s sister, Karina, who visited the crash site Monday, said Cushing and Halse, who both lived in Halfmoon, were like “two peas in a pod.”
“My sister was a very strong and independent person,” Karina Halse said. “She didn’t like it when other people did things for her. She would be the one to initiate things.”
“I feel like my heart is sunken. It’s in a place where I’ve never felt this type of pain before,” Karina Halse said. The sisters had been texting on Saturday as Amanda Halse got into the limo to head to the birthday party. Before Amanda Halse received her sister’s reply, she died in the crash.
MARY AND ROB DYSON
Mary Dyson, 33, died in Saturday’s crash along with her husband, Rob, 34. She was one of the four sisters killed.
The Dysons lived in Watertown, New York, where Mary worked as an engineer and a coach at Star Spangled Crossfit, which dedicated a workout to her on Monday.
An Army veteran, Mary Dyson worked for Upstate Construction Services and was vice president of Theta Phi Alpha sorority when she was a student at Clarkson University, according to WWNY-TV.
ABIGAIL AND ADAM JACKSON
The Jacksons left behind two daughters, Archer and Elle, ages 4 and 1. Abby Jackson, as the 34-year-old was known, worked as a teacher in the Greater Amsterdam School District, said her aunt, Barbara Douglas, of Dannemora.
She became a teacher because she loved working with children, Rich Peters, president of the Amsterdam Teachers Association, told the Times Union. “She wanted to help them better their lives,” he said.
Adam Jackson, also 34, worked as a deputy commissioner at the Montgomery County Board of Elections, according to his Facebook page. Abigail was among the four sisters killed.
King, 31, of Ballston Spa, was killed in the crash along with her three sisters. A Facebook fundraiser created for her parents, Tom and Linda King, had raised more than $132,000 as of Monday evening.
ERIN AND SHANE MCGOWAN
Erin, 34, and Shane, 30, were married in June in upstate New York. Erin McGowan worked as an administrative assistant at St. Mary’s Healthcare in Amsterdam.
She had been thinking of going back to school to become a billing administrator, said her aunt, Valerie Abeling.
“They had everything going for them,” Abeling said. “She was a beautiful, sweet soul. He was, too. They were very sweet.”
“They were two very young, beautiful people,” said Abeling. “Everybody involved, it was horrific thing. Our lives have been changed forever.”
“You’re always hoping you find the love of your life, it’s what you hope and wish and dream for, and they found each other,” Erin McGowan’s uncle Anthony Vertucci told the Times Union. “They had big plans.”
Amanda Rivenburg, 29, of Colonie, was close to her parents and remembered by friends and coworkers for her sense of humor. She worked for seven years for Living Resources, a New York nonprofit that works with people who have disabilities, serving as assistant director of the organization’s day community opportunities program.
Her colleagues came together at work on Monday to share stories about Rivenburg, a gathering that led to both tears and laughter.
“Amanda was loved by all of her coworkers,” said Steve Klein, associate executive director of program services at the company. “She was passionate about her work and everyone relied on her for guidance.”
Friends and family members identified Lisinicchia, 53, of Lake George, as the driver of the limousine on social media. His wife, Kim, posted on Facebook that “it hurts me to a core to have to bury my husband.” She linked to a GoFundMe that said Lisinicchia’s family “appreciates the love and support to help with his unexpected final expenses.”
“The investigation is STILL going on and the facts are not verified,” his niece, Courtney Lisinicchia, wrote on Facebook.
BRIAN HOUGH AND JAMES SCHNURR
Hough, a 46-year-old assistant professor of geology at the State University of New York at Oswego, and his father-in-law were the two pedestrians killed in the crash, according Facebook posts by relatives and media reports. SUNY Oswego officials said Monday that Hough died in an accident Saturday but didn’t say how he died.
The college’s statement said he arrived on campus in 2016 as a visiting professor. SUNY Oswego President Deborah Stanley called Hough “a dedicated faculty member who inspired his students to learn and understand at a deep level, and whose contributions were often sought by his colleagues.”
Hough’s mother, Artra Hough, told the New York Post that his father-in-law, James Schnurr, 71, was also killed. Police said Hough, of Moravia, and Schnurr, of Kerhonkson, were standing in the store parking lot when they were killed.
Hough is survived by his wife and their 8-year-old son, said Arta Hough, who lost a son to cancer four years ago. She described Brian as a “great father, great son.”
“He loved teaching, he loved working with students,” she said.
Ukaj, a former Marine from Johnstown who served a tour in Iraq, died on his 34th birthday, his mother told the Times Union of Albany.
Mary Aston said her son joined the Marines at 17, had post-traumatic stress disorder and was honorably discharged because of a medical condition. He was living at his maternal grandparents’ home near Amsterdam, she said.
“He was fixing up my parents’ house and enjoying his life,” Ashton said.
She said she had called her son on his birthday but couldn’t reach him.
“He was just such a good boy,” Ashton said. “My baby is gone.”
Facebook posts by relatives say Cavosie, 30, of Waterford, was known as “Rach” to all her cousins. One of them referred to her as “a soul that touched so many lives.”
The Times Union reports she is survived by her parents, one sister and two brothers. One of the cousins from the Albany area is raising funeral funds on GoFundMe.
Mustian reported from New York. Contributing to this report were Associated Press writers Samantha Shotzbarger in New York, Saman Creel in Chicago, and Mary Esch and Chris Carola in Albany, New York.