Police Had To Lock Up Drunk Raccoons Until They Sobered Up

Image via Milton Police/Facebook The culprit — fermented crabapples
If you need a little humor in your life (and who doesn’t right now), this next story should do it. Police were called to the scene when residents of a West Virginia town reported seeing rabid raccoons milling about. But after some quick detective work, officers realized the tiny masked bandits weren’t diseased, but rip-roaring drunk.
The Milton Police Department apparently received several calls over the past couple of days complaining about disoriented raccoons and locals were concerned they may be sick with rabies. Luckily they were just absolutely wasted after eating some fermented crab apples.
“We have had calls on suspected rabid raccoons twice over the last two days,” the Milton Police Department wrote on Facebook. “Turns out they appear to be drunk on crabapples.” Apparently, any fruit can ferment as long as there is a presence of yeast or bacteria and an anaerobic environment. How about that, who knew?
Apparently, these raccoons.
Once they figured it out, police officers Scarberry and Collins apprehended the totally smashed offenders, holding them in custody until they sobered up. “Ptl Withers caught one yesterday on Brickyard Ave with the help of the city street department,” the post continued. “Today’s culprit was on Highland Ave and Mason Street and it was a community effort.” Advertisement
Is anyone else picturing a street full of townsfolk running after stumbling raccoons until the raccoons finally collapse into fits of laughter at the hilarity of it all?
Lucky for the raccoons, police looked into the situation and didn’t just make a snap decision and put them down. “Both coons were released near the woods unharmed,” police said, obviously hightailing it back to search for more of those deliciously fun crabapples.
This isn’t the first time animals have eaten fermented fruit and gotten crazy. In Minnesota earlier this year , an early frost fermented tree berries causing dozens of birds to get pissed and fly into windows. Eventually, the buzz wears off but not before freaking the hell out of people.
But Milton police warn if residents see any more ripped raccoons running around their neighborhood, they should still call local police for help. “If you see a staggering and disoriented raccoon please do not approach it. It could be sick so call us and we’ll take care of it,” they said.
Of course, you could do the right thing and at least set out some Taco Bell chalupas for them. You know, to take the edge off.

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GOP Senator Says Voter Suppression Is A ‘Great Idea’

GOP Senator Says Voter Suppression Is A ‘Great Idea’ Willa Frej • November 16, 2018 Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith (R-Miss.) appeared to endorse voter suppression during a campaign stop this month, saying efforts to undermine voting among liberals at certain colleges would be a “great idea.” “And then they remind me that there’s a lot of liberal folks in those other schools who maybe we don’t want to vote,” Hyde-Smith can be heard telling a small crowd of young people outside her campaign bus in a video taken Nov. 3 and posted on online Thursday. “Maybe we want to make it just a little more difficult. And I think that’s a great idea.” Hyde-Smith, who was appointed to the Senate in April following the retirement of Thad Cochran, faces Democrat Mike Espy in a Nov. 27 runoff election. The Trump-backed Republican also came under fire last weekend for apparent racist remarks, joking with a crowd about attending a public hanging . Campaign spokeswoman Melissa Scallan insisted Hyde-Smith was joking as she talked with students in Starkville, Mississippi, and claimed the video had been edited. “It’s ok to still have a sense of humor in America isn’t it?” Hyde-Smith tweeted after the video circulated. “These students enjoyed a laugh with Cindy despite out of state social media posts trying to mislead Mississippians.” Cindy Hyde-Smith on voter suppression: “And then they remind me, that there’s a lot of liberal folks in those other schools who that maybe we don’t want to vote. Maybe we want to make it just a little more difficult. And I think that’s a great idea.” Nov 2nd in Columbus, MS. pic.twitter.com/OxNY77XCft — Lamar White, Jr. (@LamarWhiteJr) November 15, 2018 It’s unclear which “other schools” Hyde-Smith referred to in the video. There are several historically black colleges and universities in the state. “For a state like Mississippi, where voting rights were obtained through sweat and blood, everyone should appreciate that this is not a laughing matter ,” Espy spokesman Danny Blanton said of Hyde-Smith’s remarks. “Mississippians deserve a senator who represents our best qualities, not a walking stereotype who embarrasses our state.” This article originally appeared on HuffPost .

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Mitch McConnell’s Spectacularly Tone-Deaf ‘Partisan Politics’ Rant Backfires

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) published an op-ed on Tuesday that slammed the incoming Democratic majority in the House of Representatives for being too partisan.
It didn’t go over very well.
In a piece posted on the Fox News website titled “Will Dems work with us, or simply put partisan politics ahead of the country?” McConnell gloated that a “unified Republican government” led to “a period of historic productivity” over the past two years. He also said bipartisanship wasn’t dead and claimed: “some of the most significant accomplishments of this Congress have been delivered with overwhelmingly bipartisan support.”
NICHOLAS KAMM via Getty Images But then McConnell lashed out at the Democrats taking control of the House following last week’s midterm elections, writing that the message of bipartisanship “may have been lost on a few House Democrats, who have made clear their preference for investigations over policy results.”
“After years of rhetoric, it’s hardly news that some are more interested in fanning the flames of division than reaching across the aisle,” he added.
Twitter then reminded McConnell of his long track record of obstructing President Barack Obama, including his successful blockade of Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland :
Merrick. Garland. https://t.co/1hKGT7Uxx0
— Joyce Alene (@JoyceWhiteVance) November 13, 2018 Merrick is only one, albeit an important, data point. McConnells outrageous obstruction goes back much further. He tried to block and delegitimize every action taken during the Obama presidency. He blew up long-standing norms to block many dozens of judges. 1 https://t.co/48m4RKsA3y
— Norman Ornstein (@NormOrnstein) November 14, 2018 pic.twitter.com/WAyqPGW9T2
— Eater of Souls #VetsResistSquadron (@EaterSouls) November 14, 2018 Merrick Garland. Kavanaugh. Blocking 82 of Obama’s nominees.Refusal to bring up a protect Mueller bill to the Senate floor.Setting your prime goal at the outset of his election: making Obama a one term president.
You are the master of relentless partisanship. But it’s a new day.
— Kim Stewart (@DoryWilson) November 14, 2018 You do remember what you said about #MerrickGarland don’t you?
Surprise! We are actually better than you. And smarter. I expect NO elected Democrat to make the same kind of stupid, obstructionist remarks as you did. I don’t expect them to capitulate to your bullying, either.
— P Baird (@farandwee) November 14, 2018 pic.twitter.com/Rz70xiy52C
— Anthony Poirier (@AnthonyPoirier1) November 14, 2018 Good to see your sense of humor is intact. Mine will kick in the day your successor is sworn into the Majority Leader position.
— White House Miscommunication Director (@HopeHacks) November 14, 2018 Asking Dems to “work with us” while you vowed recently to cut Medicare, Medicaid, & Social Security in order to pay for Trump’s tax cuts for the 1% is laughable. You guys can’t even claim anymore that the tax cuts brought jobs. https://t.co/O9Kgup9JPO
— 🧛🏻‍♀️🐰Bunicula🐰🧛🏻‍♀️ (@BuniculaTv) November 14, 2018 If you’re feeling bipartisan-y, I suggest you start with supporting the bipartisan legislation to protect Mueller. Time to cut bait and get on the right side of history. You have greatly damaged our democracy, but you can start taking steps to build it back up.
— Linda Lotspeich (@llotspeich) November 14, 2018 hey smuck F—k off , for 8 years you made Obama the focus of your white man entitlement , Then another two years beating up the people of this country, You Reap What You Sow , so i suggest you grab that shovel and start tossing that cow manure back at you and your party , KARMA
— 🖕🏻😎Resistance Flea😎🖕🏻 (@wendytheflea) November 14, 2018 pic.twitter.com/cxsCCm2Ka6
— Eater of Souls #VetsResistSquadron (@EaterSouls) November 14, 2018 Merrick Garland says hi.
— PR Lodestar (@PR_twit) November 14, 2018 We’ll “work” with you about as much as you worked with us, Karma my friend. https://t.co/xO14FC6RiW
— LikeEquality RESIST FBR 🇺🇸 (@llholcomb) November 14, 2018 It is a bit frightening at just how easy you wrote that piece, given your 8yrs as leader of the @GOP Party of Obstruction, including the refusal to hear Merrtick Garland. You sir, are a serious danger to the US Constitution.
— Chris (@cjcFlint) November 14, 2018

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